As the weeks passed Janet and I continued to spend time together doing outings and such (lunch or dinner, drinks, etc...), however they began to include some of the other sistas that I had met. I had noticed/been informed that prior to my arrival--the other sistas hadn't hung out w/ Janet. Without them having to go into great detail, I wasn't surprised. The more time that I spent w/ Janet, the less I wanted to continue doing so.
Don't get me wrong, I think that she's a nice person, however....her behaviors create discomfort and anxiety in me. Janet's a person who needs to be the center of attention and the way she does this is by being extremely loud, often saying inappropriate things and being a know-it-all. That being said...I started distancing myself from her. In fact, these were the same reasons that the other sistas and just most people in general stayed away from her. I mean, this sistas reputation is one that when u mention her name, everyone gives the same resoponse and expression which is one of great dis-ease and uncomfortable glances and etc...
Well...things came to a head when we were all going to go to this all-day dj festival and she tried to arrange everything w/o help as she feels that she is THE absolute authority on EVERYTHING in Korea since she had been there for 3 years. Needless to say...I nor the others were filling that...1--the other sistas had been there for a couple of years themselves and 2--you messing w/ peoples money!
Long story short...things came to a head and became a lil nasty, resulting in the other sistas not wanting to be around her again (they had only started hanging around her due to me) and me wanting to distance myself. I felt a bit perplexed about this because as a therapist and just naturally someone who understands motivations for peoples acting out behaviors (i.e. hurt...), I was hopeful that things could be fixed. I felt strongly that we were all sistas living abroad and we should be a support to one another and not feuding. So although the other sistas weren't really budging (they'd beem through that mess before)...my remedy for this problem was just spending time w/ her less and in mixed company.
Alas...that didn't even work, because since that whole dj incident, she had started feeling and acting some kinda way w/ me. I found her to be very spiteful and extremely passive-aggressive. The last straw for me was when we were out for sushi w/a group of about 6. As usual...Janet made uncomfortable comments that caused people to shift in their seats and avoid eye contact. At the end of our meal, one of her friends brought some homemade cookies and brownies, which was a big deal becaue Koreans don't have stoves, rather they use toaster ovens, which is how these goodies were made. Well...the girl insisted that everyone have some and so I tried one...it wasn't good. So...I left 3/4 of it on my plate. This wasn't an issue or even an event of notice for anyone, however Janet made it a point to put me on front street. As we're all leaving dinner, she say's aloud, "Danica, you're not gonna eat the cookie that "Alice" made?" Now see,..that shit wasn't even necessary! So of course, everyones looking back at me and the unfinished cookie! I kindly responded, "i'm too full," and left it at that! One of my other friends was present for this and commented on how ol girl tried to throw me under the bus, so I knew that it just wasn't me!
Needless to say...as the weeks passed there were a few blow-ups and tense moments...to the point that we stopped hanging and talking pretty much completely. At first I was bothered by it because I was really excited about the sisterhood that I had found in Korea. But then I realized, doesn't matter where you are, a ho's will be ho's.
Wednesday, 17 June 2009
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